Say No to Yoga, Meditation, Spirituality

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Accidentally I strayed into the woods of spirituality. It is a dangerous jungle I guarantee and there is no way out. It sucks you in like a black hole; Not even a cry for help can escape . It’s too late for me. I can not come back now. But in this black hole I have found a fifth dimension-something like in the movie Interstellar-and through this dimension I am transmitting this encrypted message out to the “Real World”. Yoga, meditation and spirituality are really bad, don’t do it, don’t get involved in it. Here’s why.

1. It directly hits your consumerist instincts and leaves you clueless in the middle of a shopping mall or e-commerce sites. Your wardrobe becomes an Old Age Home for clothes ‘dated 4, 8 sometimes 10 years old. Your refrigerator is mostly empty. Your credit card dies too young. YOU, my friend, become responsible for the downward moving economy.
2. You start, if previously you never gave it a toss, to treat plants and animals as if they are actual living creatures. I mean C’mon. Are we headed back to primordial living where trees and animals were worshiped?
3. There is a drastic loss in the essential minerals in your body namely-anger and frustration. Your face gets scarred by a perennial smile. It annoys people when they cannot perturb you. Mind you, you have some civic responsibility towards your fellow citizens.
4. You are super energized all day long. You cannot get rid of this uninvited guest by being on your desk job. So it begins to ooze out of you. Believe me, this could be one of the reasons for Global warming.
5. You get nick-named ‘BabaJi’ or ‘BehenJi’. Need I elaborate this?
6. You become like those annoying people who can’t help themselves talk about their kids or their pets. Every conversation where you are involved drifts gradually towards spirituality. Annoying, not acceptable.
7. Sometimes, you simply zone out in the middle of a conversation. When you come out of your moment, the world seems like a theater orchestrating a play. Get your act together; This is the real world. Do you want to end up in the black hole like me?
8. You realize that life is not the years you spend between 1 to 80 or 90. It’s something before, something around and something beyond that; And that, it is such a long long journey. I don’t know if this counts as a pro or a con. Completely depends on the reader.

Uh Oh! Oh no! I am zoning out. The transmission is dropping. Khhhhhh…..Khhhhh….Pinnnnggggg….